Consequences
by 0oxymoronic0
Summary: These were his actions, and the consequences were his to bear. YukixKakeru.
1. Paper Person

**Paper Person**

---

_That's it._

_I'm done._

_I can't go on alone._

_I have to let you go._

---

_Yuki_

I sighed and turned around to him again. "Look, I'm just not in the mood for this right now, alright?" I snapped. The damn Cat had been pacing for nights on end. He looked like shit from lack of sleep and now so did I; super-sensitive hearing does _not _help when your cousin sounds like a marching band every fucking night. I did not need this right now. "I'm tired. Go home, Manabe-san."

Kakeru grinned even more insanely and ruffled his hair. "I'm not being picked up for another half an hour."

"So walk," I said smoothly, placing the file on the shelf.

"To the other side of town, through the scary dark alleys, when I can just hang out with you? Nah, I'm happy here with you, thanks." His eyes were positively sparkling. Idiot.

I ignored him and continued to stack the files. To be perfectly honest, I sort of forgot he was there. It was my turn to cook (with Tohru's help, of course) and I was wondering what to put in the onigiri. He made a noise that sounded suspiciously like 'hai-_yah_!' and in an extravagant jump he was behind me with his arms clamped around my waist.

My heart soared.

I never get touched. Well, occasionally Kyo will land a lucky punch, or Haru will try and prove he loves me a _little _too much but I never, _ever _get _held_. It felt utterly wonderful, but my head was spinning madly. The dizziness was enough to make me feel rather nauseous, but I still loved every moment of it. "What are you doing?" I asked coolly.

"Getting to know what every girl in this school craves. I just wanted to know what it felt like to hug Yuki Sohma." His breath was ridiculously ticklish against the nape of my neck, and his hands were hot… on my hips… _Paying way too much attention to the detail, _I reminded myself.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" I murmured softly. He laughed, once, but in my many years I've learnt to distinguish between sincere and insincere laughter, and I knew what his was instantaneously.

He seemed to linger there for a moment, his hands burning, before slowly detaching his arms from me and yawning widely, ruffling his hair gently. "Maybe I will walk," he commented mildly, hurtling back into our previous discussion with a randomness I had to pause momentarily to follow. "The sun's setting and it looks all orange, see?" He gestured out of the window and, sure enough, the air was shimmering.

"It's beautiful," I murmured, but all I could honestly think about was Kyo, perched on top of the roof… watching the sun go down… with _Tohru…_

"You know, if you smiled when you said things like that it might make it more believable." I looked at him incredulously, and he grinned. "I mean, I don't mind bullshitting my way along like the rest of your fangirls, but quite honestly I'd like to see what you really feel." His eyes glittered dangerously. "Or am I not good enough?" he whispered softly. It made my breathing flutter dangerously.

I sighed, rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "Come over here," I said firmly.

He raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Why?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Because I feel like I'm going to fall over any minute and I need someone to lean on, so _shift._" I perched on the windowsill and watched him walk nonchalantly towards me. He stood beside me and I let my head flop onto his shoulder with a sigh, hair falling over my face as I revelled in the intimacy I hardly ever got. It was nice to have someone warm beside me. Just… nice.

"You could have just sat down, you know," he murmured, and I felt his whole body shift with every word.

I smiled into his shoulder. "But this way I get to annoy you too. Kill two birds with one stone, as the saying goes."

He chuckled softly; from my vantage point it felt like a sudden, overwhelming reverberation. It made me shudder softly but it was lost into the room. "You should sleep more, President-san," he said softly, running a thumb across one of the bags under my eyes.

"If you did your job like you were supposed to I would be able to sleep," I grumbled teasingly. He laughed and draped one arm across my shoulder, squeezing once before letting it drop again. I let my head fall back onto the glass, orange light seeping through my eyelids. It reminded me too much of Kyo and I let them flutter open again.

"If it means our President becoming bedridden I promise to do more work," he said in all seriousness.

I grinned and cuffed him gently. "There are people who are supposed to arse around and have fun, and there are people who do all the work and tidy up. Former," I pushed my finger into his chest. "And latter," I added, pointing to myself. "You go have fun, 'cause it would be way too scary to see you pull your weight for once." I sighed in a rush of air. "You're a people person. I'm a file person." I frowned as I was struck by the image of myself with cardboard arms, before shaking my head to dispel it quickly. Too bloody disturbing. I looked over to Kakeru, who was still standing beside me, but he was staring at me with wide eyes. "What?" I snapped.

"I think I just ODed on your voice. I haven't heard you speak that much, _ever_." He was staring at me with mock-horror printed across his face. I cuffed him across the head gently but he caught my wrist, and stared at me oddly. Sort of… softly. He broke the whatever-it-was (no, not UST, dammit) with a jaw-splitting yawn. He ruffled his hair yet again and let my wrist drop in the process, but even though he'd turned away I watched him track its progress towards my side again. "Well, I guess I should start walking," he grunted sleepily. "I'll probably get lost on the way. Or asked to become a martyr for Japan and get carted off to the Olympics _again_, and Mum'll only freak if I get talent-spotted for a homo-erotica magazine for the fourth time."

I didn't rise to it, turning back to my precious files, feeling their imprint under my fingers. I ran my hand down the spine, sighing sadly. "Goodnight, Manabe-san," I said softly.

"'Night," he muttered, shrugging on his bag. I bit back another yawn.

"Was… was it worth it?" I whispered suddenly. I heard him pause behind me, door half-open in his hand. "The hug… was it worth all that anticipation?" My heart thundered in my ears.

The door fell from his hands with a slam. It perfectly mirrored the sound of both of our resolves breaking. I turned to him and he was staring at me but it was closer than I remembered – he'd strode across the floor, but my heart thundering in my ears had stopped me hearing – and when I turned around he was already right beside me, _right there in front of me_. I tried to back away but my files, being my only friends, pushed me back towards him. "Fuck yes," he whispered, and came crashing down on top of me.

The first thing I did was shut my eyes. Firstly, they'd look ridiculously crossed and secondly it actually hurt to try and focus on Kakeru's forehead this close up. Unfortunately, as soon as they fluttered closed every other sense in my body erupted into _feeling_. My heart was thundering, soaring, and I was close enough to hear Kakeru's too. I could hear my breath rasping in and out; I could feel our shared carbon dioxide slipping easily between our mouths, followed by a considerate amount of water as he slid his lips against mine softly. I felt clumsy, disorientated; first kiss. _First bloody kiss. This is what it feels like, _I thought in a detached way. I felt my hands drift of their own accord and bunch ferociously in his hair. _Feels… nice_, I added. _Oh, fuck does it feel nice. _I heard him let out a sighing moan and I replied with my own groan as he slammed me up against my precious files, pushing against me to try and deepen the heat, the softness. My legs began to drift away from the floor as he pinned me, and I wrapped them around his waist to anchor myself to him. I nipped and pulled and ravenously tore at him. I suddenly realised that the dizziness clouding my vision was almost as much to do with lack of oxygen as it was the tingling, shuddering mess my body had become. He pulled away and took in horribly deep, gasping breaths as he pushed as hard as he could onto me, only our mouths separate. He let me fall back to the floor with a gentle sigh and I just felt myself collapse forward onto him. It had been an exceedingly long day.

"Do I get to call you Yun-Yun in bed?" he gasped, and I laughed breathlessly.

"Go fuck yourself," I retaliated, and he grinned sadistically.

"Well, if you won't…" he muttered, smiling. I felt my whole body sting with the connotations of it and bit back another groan.

"_Wow_, I'm out of it," he spluttered breathlessly, taking in huge gasps beside me. "Haven't had enough _exercise _lately, but I guess you can help me rectify that, hmm, _Yun-Yun_?" I bit my lip. I'd _never _be able to hear that nickname again. "Mmm…" he sighed happily, leaning forward and pecking me softly. I felt my head follow his up, craving more, and blushed. "Oh, I have to do that more often," he grinned. He ran his hand across the side of my face.

"Tell me I'm adorable and I _will _kill you," I murmured. He grinned and pulled me close. It felt lovely to just have someone _hold _me without having to worry about transforming. My eyes flickered over to the clock. "What time were you supposed to meet your Mum again?" I whispered.

He swore softly and pulled away, sweeping up his bag and shrugging on his coat. He wrenched open the door, hurtled into the corridor, paused, turned around and stood in the doorway, staring at me. He paused for a moment, rushed back over, kissed me gently in a surge of warmth and dashed back out. My eyes fluttered open, lips gently parted, trying to pin him there, but he'd gone. I felt the blush spread across my face in a terrible rush.

Consequences… didn't matter. I think I just fell in love with Kakeru Manabe.


	2. Raindrops

**A/N**

**For my Akki, thank you for putting up with rubbish conversation and sporadic updates. Here's an early birthday present, sweetie!**

**Thank you all for reviewing, I do hope you enjoy.**

**Raindrops**

Kakeru had this really awful habit of making me blush.

It was really quite amusing, watching myself do it. Just flush, just a tiny little bit, every now and then, but it would be in the most _awkward _of situations. He'd smile at me and suddenly I'd stop talking and blush, and lo and behold everyone's clustered – especially Tohru – around me, yelling at me, asking me if I feel okay, or if I'm about to faint. Stupid lungs. And then he'd just laugh and walk off leaving me surrounded by fangirls.

(Later, we'd have hot, 'I'll teach you to laugh at me' angry sex, but right now I'd just blush harder and lock myself in a toilet.)

…

A lot of my life has been… well, hard. Losing people, hating people… being hated… it's rough. I mean, you can look at Kyo's life – and I'm not arguing his has been sunshine and rainbows – and see advantages. With my life, I'd been struggling to find one. And then Tohru – wonderful, loving Tohru – comes along, and guess what? She falls in love with the Cat. It's not like I'm head over heels with her (come on, what's _wrong _with me?!) but it's just the _principle_ of things.

Then again, we're Sohmas. Since when did we have _good _lives?

No… I hadn't been expecting a 'good life'. Happy was too much to hope for; love was out of the question. Getting on without getting the crap beaten out of me by certain family members (no names mentioned) was all I'd really hoped for. So to have someone who even showed the faintest hint of sort of getting on with me electrified me. I guess… it's hard to explain without sounding totally cliché. When people say 'I loved him' or 'he was everything' they throw it around. They say it without knowing what it's like to have _no one._ So I can wheedle on about him all I like and you can sit there thinking 'yeah, heard it all before' but I just want you to know that _he_ _was my everything._

He knew it too, I think. He certainly put up with a hell of a lot from me, and still smiled and waited for me after class. I think he knew how much it meant just to have the expectation – that little future glimpse of the smile I knew he'd wear when I left, the way he'd stretch when he was on the way home. He understood me in a way that frightened me.

I'd love to say he made my life easier, but actually he just made it harder. He became more disruptive during council meetings; falling asleep, waking loudly with a jerk and yelling, demanding to know what had happened in the last five minutes and then falling asleep again; arguing with everyone and anyone just for the sake of it; throwing chalk in my hair and then pretending not to notice because my hair's white already.

I later found out he did it just to make me blush.

But… also he was making my life harder to lead. I'd never want to rush home and do work and collect Tohru and tease Kyo because I'd hang around with him, and he'd grin and talk about girls and skirts and kiss me. It's that thing, you know? That first moment. When his hand rests on my arm and he focuses on _me _and it's what I've waited for all day – then it's over, and he walks away with a yell of 'goodnight' and I'm left standing there with my hand on my mouth like a fool, waiting for promises of tomorrow. Because in my life tomorrow is always better.

The problem with him becoming everything was I was losing out on so much more in my life. Machi withdrew to worse than before (I never did find out exactly when she knew about us), Tohru spent more and more time with Kyo – as did Haru. And I spent all day thinking about Kakeru or talking to Kakeru or kissing Kakeru.

I didn't doubt that he _liked_ me. Kisses and murmurs and holding hands indicated that aplenty. It was whether he _loved _me, totally head over heels with me as I was with him. I was frightened of what I might do to make him prove it; frightened of where everything was going. It wasn't that it was out of my control; my life never had been. It was just that I didn't think I could take anything more.

…

I felt another piece of chalk land on the back of my head with a soft _plick. _I ignored it. "Yun Yuuuuun," Kimi whined. "'Keru's throwing things again!"

I'd learnt that telling him off did nothing. I turned back to the council just in time for another piece to rebound off my forehead and fall in front of Machi with a soft noise. "So we're on budget so far. We've still got a little left over for decorations. Kimi, you can do that – just not_ too _much pink, remember there are boys coming too. Right. Anyone else got anything to say?" I was torn between ignoring Kakeru and looking at him with deep disapproval. I floundered for a moment; a tug on my arm sent me hurtling back. Machi was pointing at the next item. "Okay," he sighed. "So what are _we _going to go as?"

As I'd expected, the whole place broke into uproar. I stood helplessly on the edge, with Machi silent beside me. Kakeru had stopped throwing things to bound into the centre of it, grinning madly as he yelled suggestions at top speed. "I don't want to go," Machi said quietly. As _talking trees! _drifted over as a suggestion, I wasn't sure wanted to anymore either. I was simply hoping for the expression 'saved by the bell' to have an accurate meaning. No such luck; another half-hour of torment.

There was a resounding _crash _which I knew could only have bad consequences. Normally, things got broken and no one cared; the shouting got louder as accusations fly around the room mingled with excuses. This time, everything went silent. There was only one valuable thing in the room. I knew what it was before I went over. Kakeru was standing beside it, eyes still nonchalant. He was smiling. I looked down at what was on the floor, neatly decapitated. It was the last thing Tohru had ever made for me before she… I scooped it up, feeling it trickle through my fingers as the parts slipped away. I dropped it to the floor and walked out.

I heard Kakeru's footsteps behind me, gently mimicking mine, an echo – shadow – more morbid and macabre than friendly. I ignored him. I shrugged on my jacket, slung on my shoulder bag as I walked and just kept going. Halfway out of the building, where Akito had stood all that time before, I turned to him. "Why don't you come find me when you can pretend you give a fuck?" I said quietly, and walked away.

…

He did. I knew he would. It wasn't till the next day; it was a little beyond him to follow me home. He didn't pretend very well though, looking sad and solemn when he was grinning in his eyes. I felt my heart harden, not soften, tears prickling again at the back of my eyes. Tohru bound towards me, grinning madly, looking like she was about to hurtle into me but stopping herself at the last moment. I looked at him once more before letting myself be dragged away, smiling at Momiji as he danced under my legs.

I knew he'd understand it was _that _smile. And I knew he'd hate it.

He 'caught up with me' nearer lunchtime, sidling up to me with one arm behind his head. "Hey," he said.

"Hello," I replied. I smiled at Tohru, picked up my bag and walked away. I felt Tohru watch me go, but Kakeru took the hint and followed.

He smoothly caught my step, nonchalantly strolling beside me. "You want to go somewhere tonight?" he murmured. I felt myself begin to flush.

"Where?" I answered coolly, swinging my bag into the top of my locker, taking out the textbooks and swapping them with a sincere dispassionate nature I hoped didn't look too false.

"Dunno," he said. "Just somewhere. Just us." He grinned – it reminded me too much of Shigure. I shouldered my bag and moved off again.

"Just us?" I repeated, tasting the words on my tongue. They sounded promising. In all of this, I'd nearly forgotten why I was annoyed with him.

"To apologise," he murmured. I halted in my step, fumbling. I turned to him and looked; he was being… well, he was being sincere. I hoped that was sincerity. "You never told us what it meant to you, but we're sorry we broke it." I kept looking. "Okay, I'm sorry _I _broke it. And I'm sorry for being a complete twat and acting like I didn't care." He leaned in closer, trying to hypnotise me. It was working. "It's that masculine side of me, I suppose?"

"Give over, you don't _have_ a masculine side," I snapped, smiling. "You still haven't said where."

"You still haven't said whether you're coming." I grinned elusively. "Well, if we're pushed for a location, my parents are out all night…" I felt myself go dizzy at 'all night', and smiled shakily.

"You have an hour," I said firmly, starting to walk again.

"Only an hour?" he whined, pulling on my sleeve as I walked away from him. "You're such a spoilsport."

I turned to look at him, walking backwards with a smile. "If you give me reason to stay I might be able to prolong my other plans," I grinned.

"What kind of reason?" he yelled but I laughed and turned around as I walked away.

…

Okay. So I know I have no backbone. But I just wanted something to treasure, you know? Before everything went to shit. Which it always did with me.

The simple fact I'd forgiven him for breaking _that _was enough to show that I was totally, utterly obsessed.

…

"I can't believe how _anal _you guys all are," Kakeru whined as I walked home with him, my bag banging painfully against the side of my leg.

"The Power Rangers are hardly a suitable dress code for a school prom," I said sternly.

He paused for a moment and leant in painfully close, his breath whispering against my lips. "I'll let you be black…" he murmured.

I laughed shakily after a minute of wide-eyed rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights. "Sod off, dog breath," I teased, walking slightly faster and grinning as he tried to catch up.

"You just did it so you can see what I look like in a tux," he whined, limping pathetically from where he'd fallen over trying to catch up.

"I wish," I sighed. "If I had another choice I would. I _hate _dressing up." I groaned as another painful idea hit me. What if Ayame insisted on making my suit? I glanced at Kakeru out of the corner of my eye. Maybe he'll make his too…

"I assure you, I look totally glamorous," he grinned. "The ladies never leave my side!"

"Must be your twinkling repartee," I snapped. "It could be worse, I could have made you wear traditional clothes."

"I happen to own a very nice kimono, thank you very much, but a man with my physique should never wear baggy clothes." He paused in a ridiculous position I didn't bother to look around to see. Something to tell Shigure, I suppose. Our path wandered into a park, with barking children and laughing dogs. Wait. Oh. Forgive the mental breakdown, Kakeru had caught up with me and taken my hand and I was walking funny. I also had an unshakeable image of Kakeru in a kimono with one shoulder juuuust trickling off…

No. _Don't_.

As soon as we reached the wood, I slammed him into a tree and snogged him silly. "Wow," he gasped eventually, looking very flustered. "What was that for?"

I grinned. "Looking way too gorgeous in a kimono," I murmured back, and kept walking.

"I don't know how I put up with you," he mumbled as he had to catch up yet again. Why was I in the lead, when I had no idea where I was going?! "You make no sense."

"I know the feeling," I said softly, but I wasn't sure whether I was talking about me or Kakeru.

He rolled his eyes. "There you go again!"

I sighed exasperatedly. "What _now_?"

"Shutting me out!" he said, with rather a cute pout on his face.

I snorted for a moment. "I do _what _now?!" I exclaimed, shrugging my bag up my shoulder further.

"You go all mysterious and sad, and I can't get a word of sense out of you!" he said, flinging his arms up in exasperation. "It's no fun," he said softly, his eyes sincere when I looked over to him. "Silence and sad eyes," he murmured, and I looked away. I realised that he wasn't walking beside me; I turned around to find him standing a few metres away. "I don't know where you're going but I'm going home," he called, walking away in the opposite direction. I sighed. I was such a fool. I hurried after him, catching up with him easily.

"I'm sorry," I sighed in a rush of air.

"Hmm?" he said as he unlocked his front door, flicking on the lights and off the alarm.

"For being such an arse," I muttered, shrugging off my coat. "I walk around like I've got a stick in my arse all the time, I know. But… I don't mean to."

He'd crept up behind me and I jumped with a start when his lips kissed the nape of my neck softly, arms wrapping around me from behind. "It's okay. You had some shite childhood, didn't you?" I felt myself curl in on myself, but he hugged me harder. "I'm not a psychic or anything. It doesn't take a genius to figure out you're a little broken." I turned around and looked at him; he smiled at me softly and kissed me gently. "So don't apologise to me. Okay? Or I might drop-kick you for sheer sissiness."

"You couldn't drop kick a tennis ball," I muttered, and he chuckled softly.

"You're slightly bigger than a tennis ball," he murmured, and squeezed me, frowning. "Not much heavier though… _do _you eat? You know there's a whole theory you're some alien that doesn't eat normal food and that's why you're so thin and uptight the whole time."

I quirked an eyebrow. "You just made that up," I said accusatorily. He simply grinned. "Two minutes," I said finally. He looked at me oddly. "You've gained another two minutes."

"From just one kiss and a bit of a girly heart-to-heart? Oh, I can do better than that," he grinned, and literally lifted me up.

"KAKERU!" I screamed, flailing in his arms. "Put me _down_!!" He laughed a tad manically and I calmed a little as he carried me up the stairs. It was rather sweet, really. He kicked open his bedroom door and flung me on the bed, pouncing on me straight away. His lips worked and his teeth bit at my neck before I could properly register my surroundings. There were photos… everywhere. All over the walls. And quite a few of them – _ohgod –_ had me in. And the ones – _dear – _that did had little hearts next to them. Just tiny ones. _Nnngh_. But still there. _Ohhh…_

I wasn't sure how long we sat there, just kissing and lying in silence with our own thoughts before kissing some more. Every second was magical, suspended in time like a raindrop. Quite a good metaphor; I was a sponge, soaking up everything he could give me. Eventually the good and the bad. I was lying on my side, and he was behind me, his arm wrapped around my waist as we stared out of the window. We watched the sun sink below the horizon, and I was glad that I'd been right; tomorrow had been better.

I rolled over again, kissing him gently. "Is that your idea of a goodbye?" he murmured, and I smiled, nodding.

"Sorry," I whispered back.

"Stay with me?" he murmured. I looked away. I wanted to, but if I missed a whole night… Shigure was bound to tell Akito. And then… "It's okay," he whispered.

I felt myself cough a choked sob. "I want to," I whispered. "Really." I fanned out my fingers on his chest. "But my family…"

"Really. It's okay." He was smiling gently. He leant up and kissed me gently, hovering pressed close for a moment after we'd parted. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I laughed. "Don't remind me," I groaned. "Dress code _colours _tomorrow."

He grinned. "I don't know why you put up with us," he muttered. He stood up and walked over to the wall.

"Neither do I." He turned back to me and proffered something; a photo of us before the holidays. He was smiling, and so was I; a rare occurrence in the least.

"It's my favourite," he murmured. "But I'll make an exception." I smiled back at him, kissed him once more briefly as I slipped the photo into my pocket and walked down the stairs. He watched me walk down the path and go the wrong way – he shouted out to me and I turned round with a death-glare and hurried off in the other way, blushing desperately – and on the way home I sat on the bus and stared at the photo with a smile. I only had one other photo; I slid it out of its frame easily, letting it fall to the floor quietly. Tohru stared up at me innocently as I slipped the new one into the frame and ran my fingers once more across his face before turning away.

**A/N**

**Writing Kakeru and Yuki quibbling is the most fun I've had in **_**ages**_**. :D**


	3. Broken Paperclips

**A/N**

**Thank you for all the support I've received so far, it really does mean a lot to me! This chapter is specifically for ****Silentz, for all the wonderful, fantastic reviews given to me for… well, for a while. Thank you very much!**

**(Also part of a continuing campaign to prove to Rennie that I still love her… -sigh-)**

**Akki – the presents convo I'd actually written before we had ours… creepy… o.O**

**Broken Paperclips**

I sighed and fiddled with the fraying strap on my bag once more as I walked into school. Kyo was being his usual glowery self in front of me, with Tohru jabbering on beside me; I wasn't sure what it was _this _time, but he seemed to be more downright miserable than ever. Typical Kyo; as soon as _I _find something to cheer me up he gets more suicidal than ever and makes everyone so _gloomy_. I looked down at my bag again and sighed; it was going to fall apart any second. I said goodbye to Tohru – she'd dropped Home Sciences for extra studies, she could cook the teachers out of a job – and made my way over to my locker, slipping the key in and turning it before smiling as my extra-sensitive hearing picked up footsteps on the horizon.

"Morning, gorgeous," a voice murmured in my ear as two warm hands slipped around my waist. He kissed my neck briefly before moving aside and lounging against the lockers, eyes still glowing into me. "Sleep well?"

"Incredibly," I said with a grin as I banged the door shut and locked it again. "I was all worn out for some reason." I paused as I turned to look at him for a moment. "Any ideas?" I shouldered my bag with a grin, eyes dragging off him as I walked away. And suddenly and spectacularly my bag exploded; that strap had finally given way, strewing coursework, books and council reports all over the floor. My fanclub were on me in seconds; any chance to touch my stuff. I took piles of paper from them irritably and looked up to see Kakeru running away. "Where are you off to?" I yelled.

"Back in a second!" he called, disappearing round a corner. I sighed and smiled at a girl who handed me a plastic bag. She nearly had a heart attack. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes; today would be a _long_ day.

* * *

I fiddled with the corner of my school jacket; I hadn't seen Kakeru since the morning, and ashamed as I was to admit it I found myself _pining _for him. It wasn't that odd, we didn't have very many classes together, but still… I put down my chopsticks with a sigh, falling back onto the grass with a _whoomph _and staring up at the sky. Tohru was talking to Uotani beside me, but I couldn't find the energy to try and pay attention to the conversation.

I screamed. Out of nowhere a giant black eye had totally taken up my vision; it was like being attacked by a giant fly. I fell backwards; Kakeru squatted back on his haunches and laughed at my total, utterly _humiliating _flail. I felt my whole face flush as I scrambled away and propped myself up on my elbows; Tohru had gone back to her jabbering, leaving me to stare at Kakeru, flushed, my shirt everywhere and my hair worse. And I could just _feel _his eyes scorching over me. To which, of course, I blushed harder. He grinned a tad sadistically before leaning in close, his lips brushing against my ear, breath sending me shuddering. "I've got something for you," he murmured, and somehow found it necessary to nip my ear as he pulled away. My whole body shuddered; I certainly wasn't complaining. I turned back to Tohru with a half-smile; to everyone else we'd simply shared a quiet word. My heart was thrumming in my throat; Kakeru was already walking away into the distance.

"Gotta – " I just about managed with a flustered smile and picked up my coat and bag and scrambled after him. I caught up halfway across the hardcourt, walking beside him nonchalantly. "You're so fucked for that," I muttered. "I'm going to kill you."

"I'd be happy with that sentiment if it weren't for the murderous aspect of it," he murmured as he pushed through the door, and I found myself flushing ridiculously again, biting my lip and clenching my fingers into fists. He grabbed me and shoved me into the toilets. "Cliché I know," he murmured as he ran his fingers through my hair, "but I wanted to be somewhere safe from your fangirls." He swept forwards and crunched our mouths together, and I sighed happily, mind reeling in bliss.

"You'd be surprised at the extent they go to," I gasped when he finally pulled away.

"We are safe though?" he murmured as his thumb traced my bottom lip; I nodded and sighed, poking out my tongue to run across the tip slightly.

"You said you had something to show me?" I gasped as he nibbled against my neck. "Or is this it? Not that I mind, or anything." I groaned, head lolling back to slam into the tiles.

"I do," he murmured into my neck. "You just looked so gorgeous. Sorry for getting distracted." He pulled away with a final peck, and I felt myself sigh happily. He gestured towards the door. "Shall we?" I found myself kissing him once more gently before walking out in front of him, suppressing the urge to squeak as his hand slipped down my spine as he strolled behind me. "Lockers," he said in my ear, bending forwards to whisper it as we walked. I followed his command, gently steered by his hand on my hip as we walked. The thrill of it, the half-hidden gestures, the secrets… I hadn't felt this alive in years. I stood in front of our destination as he hooked a finger around the door of his locker, flipping it open and pulling out something from inside. He handed it to me as I ran my fingers across the coarse material and gaped.

"Uhh…" It was a bag. A satchel, to be more precise, to be hung over one shoulder. "Wow."

"To be honest, I'd bought this ages ago. Meant to give it to you for New Year's, but…" He grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "I felt a bit stupid." He seemed to look at me worriedly for a moment. "I mean, it's nothing special, and practical presents are always a complete bore."

I smiled at him. "Sorry," I muttered, running a hand through my hair. "It's… sorry for zoning out on you, it's just… well, I never get presents." I grinned, embarrassed.

He gaped at me. "Wow. That _sucks_."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I guess. Well, I get them, but they tend to be…" I tried to think. "Books."

He chuckled. "For some reason that doesn't surprise me."

I sighed in a rush of air, a smile twitching my mouth. "I'm not expressing myself very well." He cocked an eyebrow, and I laughed again. "I just… thanks," I said finally.

He leaned in very, very close. I glanced around in worry; no one was near. "You're very welcome," he murmured, and leant forward, kissing my mouth gently. My eyes rolled back into my head and I sighed happily when he pulled away. "You need a hand transferring your stuff?" He wrinkled his nose at the heap of papers that were strewn across the inside of my locker and I sighed.

"I'll manage," I grumbled, pulling out a Science textbook for the next lesson and managing to retrieve my homework somehow. I smiled at him once more before swinging the bag over my shoulder and walked off.

* * *

Kyo watched Yuki walk away with Kakeru with a deep, leaden feeling inside his stomach. He knew what had to be done, now.

He would do anything to stay free.

* * *

The weeks that passed had to be the most wonderful of my life. He was always there – and I mean, _always._ Every breaktime he'd smile out of the corner of his mouth, or wink at me, or murmur something soft into my ear. I felt my heart _ache _with the simple emotion of it; this intensity, this… incredible feeling. I sound like a very, very bad romance movie, but… just my whole body longing, all day. All night, too, but sometimes even _I _was too embarrassed to admit it. He'd always grin in the most fantastic way whenever he asked about anything to do with that; I, of course, blushed. And that would only encourage him more.

* * *

I sighed as I pulled my things out in a heap onto the desk, scrabbling through the piles for my homework and scribbling my name on it before handing it in with an apologetic smile. I sighed as my teacher flustered; this whole fangirl thing had got totally out of hand and was just becoming plain irritating. It was nearly the weekend, and I was _not _in the mood for this. I felt my fingers slip alongside the inside of my bag and catch on something; I pulled it out with a frown. A piece of paper neatly folded in half displayed a message clearly written in Kakeru's handwriting. I felt my whole body thrum with something brilliant, and a smile work onto my face. I'd never been written a _note _before; a simple, stupid thing that I should have sent and received a million times but no one had ever been there to write to.

_I've got something to show you. You're coming over this weekend whether you like it or not._

I felt my smile get slightly wider; my eyes flickered up to the back of his head, a few rows ahead. I tucked the note into my front pocket, next to a copy of the photo he had given me. Throughout the whole lesson it was heavy on my chest but I couldn't help but smile.

"Okay," was the first thing I said to him when the final bell went.

"Good," he smiled. "Will the family okay it?"

"I'm their golden boy," I sighed. "I should fucking hope so. I haven't had a break in ages. I haven't had _friends _in ages. I might have to say…" I bit my lip. I didn't want to lie, but I couldn't admit to having anyone close to me…

"Yuki Sohma, you _cannot _grow up without staying out all night and telling a lie to get away with it," he scolded and I grinned.

"I guess I could do it just once," I sighed melodramatically.

"Good. My Mum's off again." He wrinkled his nose unpleasantly. "_Ted _has got some fancy hotel suite booked in Tokyo for them for the weekend."

"That the English guy your Mum's been dating?" I said as we walked out of the school gates, standing beside the usual place to meet up with Tohru.

He nodded. "Prick," he muttered. He looked at me, ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Fuck."

"What is it?" I asked him softly, eyes scanning for Tohru and the vivid hair I more easily recognised.

He grinned a tad more evilly than I was totally comfortable with. "I just want to fucking kiss you right now," he sighed.

I bit my lip to hide my smile. "Try to restrain yourself whilst we're on school property, hmm? Or, seeing as that doesn't stop you, exhibitionism isn't particularly one of my kinks."

"The family would disapprove," he said slowly, an unfathomable look in his eyes. I hesitated for a moment, before turning back to the crowd. He flustered with his bag for a moment before crying triumphantly as he extracted a pen.

"What are you doing?" I yelped as I felt cool metal press against the back of my hand, his hand easily making out the numbers in sweeping motions.

"This," he said as he finished, "is a telephone number. More commonly used as a method of communication than a form of blood poisoning. You phone me on this number when you have an okay, and we'll meet somewhere." His eyes bored into me. "That's a when, not an if," he said warningly.

I smiled softly. "I get the message," I murmured, and then sighed. "Now you've got me doing it too. If only…" I reached out a hand and spread the fingers out on his chest, eyes dragging from my fingers to his eyes, which were suddenly very, very dark, and everything seemed to stop around us. His lips formed a half smile, and I felt myself leaning towards it.

_No._

_You can't._

_Don't._

_It's too much._

I closed my eyes and let out a rush of air. "It's okay," he murmured, and the simple fact he knew what to say made my nerves sing and the insides of my elbows prickle. "I'll see you tomorrow night," he muttered with a smile. He turned and walked away a few steps, and I couldn't help but follow him with my eyes. He turned around with a frown. "We seriously have to get you a mobile," he called.

"I have one," I yelled back. "My family actually tracks my calls." He laughed and I waved him off with a smile before turning back to a happy Tohru.

* * *

"I've got council duties this weekend," I said conversationally over dinner. Shigure raised an eyebrow. "Don't even start anything," I warned, thrusting my chopsticks towards him. "I _hate _paperwork enough already without needing your perverted euphemisms." I sighed sadly. "I'll probably need to pull an all-nighter," I groaned.

"That sounds awful!" Tohru gasped dramatically beside me, and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.

"Who will you stay with?" Shigure murmured. "To give us a telephone number. Just in case."

I shrugged. "Not sure. One of the council members, maybe."

"You mean like Manabe." It was Kyo's first contribution to a conversation (not including monosyllabic grunts) involving anything to do with me for ages.

I blinked, not sure how to respond for a moment. "Possibly, but he pisses me off. More likely to be Sakuragi-san." I smiled. "He happens to be the only sensible one there." Kyo grunted eloquently in response, looking at me with an odd look before resuming picking at his ramen.

* * *

"See you later," I called, and Tohru smiled and waved before dashing back up the stairs, halfway through the laundry. I shifted the rucksack up my shoulder further; Kakeru's bag lay neatly folded under my bed, the photo nestled in my jeans pocket. I was halfway out of the doorway before I stopped and looked around.

"Yuki?" Shigure had called softly, leaning against the doorway. His eyes were deep into mine, and I realised with a sudden surge of panic that he _knew_.

"Shigure," I said quickly, but he held up a hand.

His eyes were solemn. "Just be careful, alright?" he murmured.

I bowed my head. "I will be." I raised it again, locking eyes with him. "Thank you." He smiled a small smile before turning back into his study. I felt my own mouth twitch before letting the door close behind me as I went.

* * *

Kyo watched Shigure and Yuki talk and waited for Yuki to leave before walking down into the hallway and picking up the phone. "Hatori? It's Kyo. Do you think you can get me a meeting with Akito? There's something I think he needs to know."

* * *

I picked up the receiver for the payphone and slipped a few coins in. He picked up with a smile in his voice. _"Hey, handsome,"_ he murmured down the phone.

"Cut the crap, this is costing me a fortune," I muttered teasingly down the phone line, hearing him chuckle in response.

"_Where are you?"_

"Centre of town, by that big bus place. The one with the café." I slipped another coin into the machine.

"_See you in fifteen," _he finished and hung up.

"I'll get the coffees in then, I suppose?" I murmured into the silent receiver, replacing the headset with a smile.

* * *

It took him half an hour to show up, grinning stupidly and brandishing what appeared to be some sort of military bag. "Heya," he said as he sat down, his lukewarm coffee sloshing over onto the saucer.

"What on Earth is in that?" I said, eyeing the large bag suspiciously.

"Provisions," he said proudly, patting it happily. "Can't have a sleepover without copious amounts of chocolate, DVDs and other sugary substances." He grinned evilly. "And condoms, of course," he added, causing me to spray coffee all over the table in a most uncivilised manner.

"Please tell me you didn't," I said, staring at the bag with more disgust. He laughed, his hand wriggling to lace with mine momentarily before letting it drop.

"Drink up," he gestured towards the cup. "There's somewhere I want to get to before closing time." I drank the rest of the coffee in one caffeine-filled gulp before standing up, making him follow suit. He grinned. "This way," he murmured, hands opening towards the door. I sent him a look before walking out. We had to stroll along for a while, Kakeru in the lead this time.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going, or are you just lost?" He didn't reply; I sighed. I hoped that he wasn't as useless at directions as Haru.

"Nearly there," he called back to me, peering at a street name. I hoped to whatever God there was that this wasn't going to be some seedy shop… a dozen images flickered through my mind with several distinctly frightening and horrible ones. I suppressed a shudder. "Here we go!" he said triumphantly.

I peered around his splayed arms. "It's just a phone shop," I muttered, frowning.

"And we're going to get you a phone." He smiled. "One your family can't stalk you with."

I rolled my eyes but allowed myself to be dragged around, picking out a headset, experimenting with a few games. Kakeru crowed as he beat the high score, dancing in a ridiculous fashion, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Nothing too expensive," I said firmly to the store assistant, placing the latest Nokia back onto the stand, giving Kakeru a look. "I just need something that can call people." I wandered over to the cheaper phones; there was a nice, simple 'slidey' phone I picked up. It made a funny noise when I ran my thumb along it that somehow reminded me of Kakeru. I smiled. "This one."

Kakeru checked the phone's capabilities and snorted. "That's rubbish though," he whined.

"It'll do," I smiled as I received the box from the store attendant. I sighed at the price tag; only ¥8000. I fished out a handful of cash I'd withdrawn earlier from my bank account; later, I'd have to find a job to be less suspicious, but for now this would have to do. I handed over the correct amount, put the box into my bag and walked out of the store with Kakeru.

"It'll take overnight to charge," he yawned as we walked back. "So it should be ready for the morning." I smiled at him as we climbed onto the bus but for the most part of the journey we sat in silence; at some point I nodded off, because when I came to I was leant against Kakeru's shoulder, and my brain was fuzzy with sleep. He smiled at me, turning his head to briefly brush his lips against the top of my head. "Next stop," he murmured, and I nodded, stretching. We clambered off the bus and walked the final distance to his house; the sky was already dark, and I shivered in the cold. "You are a tiny, weeny little bit pathetic, you know," Kakeru teased as we unlocked the door.

"Oh, shut up," I grumbled with a smile as I pulled off my coat and kicked off my shoes. We did all the boring phone stuff before he started on dinner; he made some sort of delicious chicken ramen whose recipe I never did discover; intoxicatingly sweet whilst being bitter and harsh as well. I couldn't help but watch the way his lips slid around his chopsticks, which only led to him being _totally _over the top about it, sucking and slurping in the most disgustingly erotic manner. I had to avert my eyes in the end; by the end it was simply pornographic.

"Is that a hint of disapproval I detect?" he murmured around the chopstick he had lodged halfway down his throat.

"Disgust, rather," I said, rolling my eyes and hiding my smile.

He laughed and placed his chopsticks neatly down. We set about doing the washing up together, breaking into the chocolate as we did; my head was buzzing from Kakeru's energy, my earlier copious amounts of coffee and the new sugar rush. We ended up giggling on the floor, before his eyes finally locked with mine and I felt myself bite a lip to stifle my moan. "Yuki," he murmured, leaning up on his elbows to kiss me angrily, biting and sucking on my lips.

Sex was something I'd, until now, looked on as a sort of acquisition in life I hadn't really expected to have the pleasure of receiving. Something that, if I ever had to experience, would be for the procreation of the family – and if it was, would become a difficult and arduous task without reverting to bestiality. This, however, was totally passionate, wonderfully hot and completely absorbing. Kakeru's hands were locked on my hips, his lips totally smothering mine. I sighed in a rush of air, my hands clamped in his hair. "Mmm?"

"Upstairs," he gasped. "Now." I laughed in compliance, straightening up and pulling him up behind me. We somehow managed to scramble upstairs whilst tearing at each others' mouths, but Kakeru seemed to insist on no clothing removal until the bedroom was reached; apparently it made tidying up later easier, or some such excuse. I must admit I wasn't really listening; it just motivated me to make it to his room faster. As soon as we entered I tore at his shirt, threading buttons through as he desperately did the same for me, jeans dropping seconds before, socks flying off in all directions before he pushed me onto the bed, thumb running across the outline of my boxers.

"Kakeru…" I whispered.

"Shh," he murmured back, kissing me gently. "Fuck, Yuki," he sighed, rocking back and looking at me. "I don't know what to do."

I quirked an eyebrow. "We're in your room, nearly naked, on your bed and horny as hell and you're telling me that you, Kakeru Manabe, elusive god of sex and all things gorgeous don't know what to do?"

"I rather like that title," he smiled, leaning down to kiss me again. "No… I mean, I know how to fuck you senseless." I had to bite my lip again. "I just… don't know what to do about this." He pushed his hand against his chest. "Fuck it, Yuki. I've… I've done this before, but…" He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. "I think… shit, Yuki, I love you." He frowned. "It's kind of scary." He smiled, and leant down to kiss my neck.

"You mean it, don't you?" I whispered as he pressed his lips against my neck again, stuttering like the helpless virgin I was.

"Of course I do," he murmured.

"Just never leave me," I gasped as his fingers slipped down across the side of my chest, pulling him close. "Never, ever leave me." Kakeru slipped his hands under my boxers. "Kakeru?" I whispered softly. He looked at me as he dragged the material across my leg, fingers languishing in my skin deliciously. "I love you too."

* * *

Kyo kneeled before Akito, his head bowed. "If you uphold your end of the deal."

Akito smiled. "Of course." He walked across and sat on the floor beside the window, staring at Kyo. "Now, I believe there was something you wanted to tell me about Yuki."

**A/N**

**You have noooo idea how evil this fic gets later on. –snigger-**

**Well, apart from the remainder of the lemon next chapter (yes, boys and girls, I **_**will **_**write the real thing… when it's not 20 to 1 in the morning.) this is where the fluff ends, my friends, and the angst begins. –evil grin-**

**Thanks for reading, please drop me a message to let me know how it went! I tried so hard to not make the whole "I love you" ridiculously cliché/soppy/fluffy. Heh. See the lengths I go to for you lovelies?**

**PS - ¥8000 is about £40, or 80 dollars.**


	4. Condiments

**A/N**

**Because of a larger response than I'd anticipated for this story (o.O) there has to be 2 dedications this time, sorry guys! I want to get you all in, because your reviews mean so much. This one is for ShinigamixGirl and lydia-chan, for much-appreciated support!**

**Condiments**

By the time he started moving, I'd already decided this was my favourite place in the world.

My fingers coiled in his hair, my legs around his waist, I sunk into blissful oblivion and let him take over. My eyes firmly planted themselves in the back of my head (though I'd really much rather be staring at Kakeru) and I felt a pathetic breathy moan escape. He laughed and just moved harder, which, of course, made my body writhe in terrible convulsions of pleasure. I wanted to say things like "faster" and "harder" and "deeper" but my last remnants of self-respect clung to me desperately. That, and Kakeru's mouth had left mine totally devoid of oxygen. Not to mention my total and undying faith in him that he would do it anyway.

He whispered my name on a mumbled laugh and moved in an entirely precise way that made me realise he had done this countless times before. I felt like a total fool, lying here like the overeager virgin I was. At least my voice had deserted me, or I'd probably ruin it screaming for more. I felt… hideous. But for the first time in my life I didn't care; I was totally disgusting like this, but he still kept moaning in my ear, pressing for more.

It was… perfect.

My eyes cemented themselves to their earlier retreat when my body ignited with pleasure. I knew he didn't need verification of the location, my body's convulsions easily readable to him; his speed quickened easily, resulting in my first scream of the night, albeit breathy and pathetic. For the first time in my life… I was going to… c-come. And I couldn't imagine a better way. I ran my hand across his sweat-drenched shoulder, but his eyes had followed mine, his neck curved gracefully back in an arch as white eyes stared unseeing at the ceiling. His hand met mine inside the confusion, and squeezed hard. I understood the implication in a second.

_Now._

_Jump._

_With me._

I was perfectly silent when I came, his name dissolving into white spots in my mind as I fell into unconsciousness.

* * *

The second thing I decided that weekend was that I loved Sundays.

Rather, I loved the way Kakeru spent Sundays, generally slopping and lazing around, procrastinating until the very last second, causing general nuisance and bother. I decided that, most of all, I loved waking up next to Kakeru on a Sunday. Because that was the only time – the only _true _time that he kissed me. All others paled in comparison to that single moment. That single murmur of "Goodmorning," and the kiss which always followed.

I groaned, snuggling into him closer. "You fulfilled your promise. I don't think I can walk."

He laughed softly and ruffled my hair. "I'm not lugging you around the place, you weigh a ton." I glared at him and moved closer; I found myself sighing sadly. At some point he had decided it was a good idea to get dressed… I ran my fingers across the fabric, cursing the fact it kept my skin from his. "I couldn't go downstairs naked… my mother's back." He looked at me sadly. "Sorry."

I propped myself up on one elbow and leaned in to kiss his forehead which, incredibly, he allowed me to do, his eyes closing happily. "With the state my family's in, it would be entirely hypocritical to start slagging off other people's." I groaned as I tried to stand up, finding myself limping helplessly. "Ugh. Can I have a shower, at least?"

He was watching me with a rather odd, indecipherable expression on his face. "Of course," he murmured. I realised, after a moment, that it was sadness.

"My phone should be ready by now," I said by way of making conversation; he didn't take up on it, grunting once and rolling back over onto his side, back facing me. I pulled on my boxers and staggered down the hall to find the shower; there was giggling from downstairs. _Ted _must be there too. I retained enough dignity to not feel disgusted and staggered into the shower, turning the tap on as I prodded and poked, evaluating the damage. Well. Walking in a straight line was pretty much out of the question… I could try and find a bandage of sorts, wrap it around one ankle. That would explain the limp… I stole some of Kakeru's lemongrass shampoo, so I could smell him for just one more moment, before staggering out of the shower and limping back along the corridor.

He greeted me with a hug, before complaining I was "wet and icky" and demanding I got changed. "What would my Yun-Yun like to do today?" he murmured softly as I did up my shirt, kissing the nape of my neck softly.

"Today's your day," I whispered. "I got everything I wanted yesterday."

"Glad to hear I could provide," he said with a grin.

"Smug bastard," I muttered, smiling. The door slammed ominously, the incessant giggling stopping as we heard it drifting down the road. I looked at him carefully.

He sighed. "She'll have left me something to do, no doubt. She's too lazy to do it herself." He smiled, pulling me in for another soft kiss. "Let's go find out, hmm?"

Sure enough, a handful of errands were neatly scribed across a piece of paper. "It's not too bad." I smiled. "I like foodshopping."

Kakeru picked it out of my hands and wrinkled his nose. "Ugh. Now that one's just gross."

I laughed, patted him consolingly and ran off to get my phone. I flipped it on and began to plug in the numbers I knew off by heart. "So what's yours?"

He snatched my phone off me and plugged it in, fiddling about a bit with the interface before putting it back. "Wait a sec," he said, flipping out his own phone. He stared at the two of them for a moment, pressing buttons randomly, before turning to me with a grin. "See?" He proffered my phone back with an eloquent thrust, and I couldn't help but blush. At some point he'd photographed the photo he'd given me, and now… through an inexplicable technological method it was now on my phone too. I simply stared at it.

"S'pretty," I just about managed, still staring at it.

He laughed softly and smiled gently. "Like you," he murmured, running his fingers across my face.

I felt myself flush insanely as I pulled away and shrugged on my jacket. "C'mon, we'd better go do this." I gestured at the list and began to walk away, limp feeling totally obvious. He didn't seem to notice – or care, either could be true. I realised, yet again, I had no idea where to go. He seemed to guide me silently, twirling me around and walking off in the other direction.

* * *

"Do I get to push the trolley?" I murmured, and he rolled his eyes with a smile.

"If you must steal all the fun," he pouted. I laughed and walked in front of him, detaching a trolley and wheeling it inside. "What's first?"

"Tahraygon."

I rolled my eyes and picked up the list. "Tarragon. That's a kind of herb, I think… so… vegetables? Condiments…" I trundled off, Kakeru still staring at me in shock.

"You're such a wife," he murmured in my ear, and I blushed, laughing madly. "Can I help?"

"You could go get this," I muttered, pointing at another obscure item.

"… sundried tomatoes? Why won't that woman just go buy microwave meals?" he grumbled.

"Aisle 6 for vegetables," I called after him, laughing as I walked away.

* * *

Akito's fingers were limp around the photo she held in her hand. "Bring him to me," she muttered, and a servant scurried away. It drifted from her fingers, falling softly on the floor, Kakeru's face smiling untimely back at her. She screamed.

* * *

My other phone went off; I groaned unhappily and sent Kakeru a look. "Gotta get this, will you be alright with these?" He nodded and smiled, arms full of bags as he paid. I wandered out and put the phone to my ear. "Hatori?"

"_Yuki, I'm so sorry."_

He didn't need to explain. I understood instantaneously. "Who?" I croaked.

"_Kyo."_

I felt my insides writhe with anger. "I had expected better," I whispered. "After everything I tried to do for him…" I took a deep breath. "How long ago?"

"_Earlier today. He's sent someone out for him."_

"I can't hide from him, Hatori," I said, my voice trembling with fear. "I just can't!"

"_I know, Yuki." _I knew from the sadness in his voice he knew exactly what was ripping inside.

I looked up and saw two people staring at me. "They're here," I whispered, and my arm fell limply to my side. I turned back inside and marched systematically to Kakeru, grabbing his arm and dragging him to one side. "My family," I gasped. "They know… I'm so sorry. I love you." I kissed him hungrily, causing our shopping to fly everywhere.

He judged the seriousness of the situation; I was trembling in his arms, tears falling down my face. "I know, Yuki." He pulled me into a hug, his chin resting on the top of my head, his eyes behind me on the two men walking towards us. "I know." One placed his arm gently on Kakeru's; I nodded, disentangling myself from him. We walked in silence to the car.

* * *

Akito didn't let me be there. As far as I could tell, Kakeru took it in silence; I waited with Hatori in the gardens. I stared at the floor, my body's energy taken from me by the words Hatori had said hours ago. I felt said Dragon tense beside me, and looked up to see his eyes far away, on the other side of the garden. The shock of orange stopped me from looking any further. I slid back further on the bench and bit down the urge to scream.

Footsteps announced his approach; I didn't need to look up to see he was crying. I could taste it in the air. Hatori's hand idly brushed the top of my head in comfort; I felt my body shake. "It came to him or me, Yuki." I couldn't find the words to say. "Please, hit me," he whispered.

I looked at him once. I have never, ever hated someone more. "You know how this works, Kyo," I said softly, my voice laced with bitterness. "You have taken everything from me. I'm not petty enough to do the same to you." Akito's exit was announced by the door softly closing and walking off in the other direction. I walked silently after Hatori, crouching down beside him. I took his hand instantly. He looked at me with impassive eyes and I stood up and walked away.

There was not a scratch on him, but I knew that it could take mere words to destroy everything.


	5. The Future

**This chapter is dedicated to Vikertee, who sent many lovely reviews, and whose comments I appreciate dearly. Also, thank you to Wanderetess, glad to see you're still reading! Sorry this has been so long coming, excuses at the bottom.**

**The Future**

"_I reckon you're gay."_

_I looked down at my naked body lying next to his, and raised an eyebrow. "You think?"_

_He ignored it. "I mean, it makes perfect sense, when you think about it. Your anal attitude, your complete lack of interest in girls."_

_I rolled over onto my stomach, burrowing my face into the pillow. "Your powers of deduction amaze me." I did feel a tad guilty… did he need to know about the curse? No… not yet… it was nice not to _have _to tell him._

_He traced his hand along my spine. "There's something you're keeping from me."_

_I peered at him with one eye. "I could say the same to you." He avoided my gaze._

_Do you think… if I'd just told him… everything would be okay?_

* * *

I shouldered my bag, ran my fingers through my hair and shrugged on my jacket.

I then took off my jacket and my bag and put them on in the more conventional order. I wished, I _wished _that Kakeru was here to tell me what to do. I fiddled with the strap on my bag, knowing our picture was mere centimetres of fabric away. I slid my fingers in, picked it up and without looking at it threw it on the fire. I walked out; I had to get ready for school.

I checked on Kakeru before I went to my locker; he was chatting with Machi in the library. He never was too hard to find. I didn't let him see me, and walked to my locker quickly. Tohru avoided me; Kyo avoided me; Momiji avoided me. Haru laid a hand on my shoulder before joining the aforementioned noisy trio at the end of the hallway. I sent him a cold glance; I could see he was annoyed with me for rejecting him but I wanted them all _away_.

And I wanted Kakeru here.

But, as ever, it _wasn't allowed._

It was actually a small price to pay for Kakeru's sanity.

* * *

That night, Hatori had escorted Kakeru home without a word being exchanged between us; I didn't even know how much Kakeru knew. I don't think I'll ever know, now. Seeing Akito was predictably painful as ever; the number of times he said 'monster', 'whore' and 'liar' I think even Shigure lost count. He, useless as ever, hung in the background next to Kyo. He was there to repair _Akito _if anything went horribly wrong. I was forgotten.

* * *

_Kyo._

He lost, in the end. We all lost. I lost Kakeru. He lost any shred of love he ever had for me. And Kyo lost the fight. He knows, now. He'll never be accepted.

Because the Rat. Me. The most important animal will _hate him forever._

With Kakeru, I'd forgotten about the Curse. With Kakeru, I didn't give a _fuck _about Kyo. But Kakeru was gone and all I had left in my life was making sure Kakeru was happy and _killing that fucking Cat. _We only ever actually spoke once; he sat and looked pathetically up at me and as much as I wanted to slap him I couldn't bring myself to care enough. I could see in his eyes that he wanted me to hit him; well, I wasn't about to make this easy for him.

"You know how this goes, Kyo," I said softly, and walked away.

And I knew that he was watching me go, and I knew it was the cruellest thing that I could have done.

And I was _glad._

* * *

School became intolerable. I was alone, isolated, stripped of my rank as head of the Council and replaced by a random girl in the year below. My freedom gone, I lived in the Main House. On the Inside. I slept on Hatori's floor; Akito refused to share the same building as me. Hatori never spoke to me. Shigure didn't speak to me. Tohru wasn't allowed.

Akito wanted to show me how _alone _I was without my God. And fucking hell, it was working. I was breaking. But I was worshipping the wrong God; I was a Satanist, converted to Kakeru. That way, madness lay, but I couldn't spend another second of my life _drowning_ with Akito.

I was dying, in that house. Bit by bit, I was being crushed. Obliterated. Each part of me broken off and squeezed of any life until there was only _Akito_ and being the great betrayer that I was.

The isolation I could take. The silence was only natural to me. The _coldness _was what finally got to me. After a few nights, I stopped crying. It's hard to cry when it's your fault.

Stupid.

_F__ingers languishing in my skin deliciously. "I love you too."_

Little.

"_Just never leave me," I gasped as his fingers slipped down across the side of my chest, pulling him close. "Never, ever leave me."_

_**Whore**__._

* * *

After three months, two weeks, four days and about five and a half hours it broke.

If it had made it to three months, two weeks, four days and six hours I think _I_ would have broken, because if I had to walk home alone one more night I think I might have jumped under something.

I was finishing up in a class, handing in my papers to the front, when Kakeru walked past me and smiled once. "Hi."

My heart soared. Just to be addressed… to be _seen…_ I forced myself to stare at the floor and ignore him, but as he passed his fingers traced down the seam of my elbow and I nearly cried then and there. There was another horrible half an hour of droning before the day was over; I waited till everyone had left, as usual, to avoid being trampled, holding those few precious seconds in my chest before anyone could steal them away. I pushed my bag over my shoulder and headed for the door; I was staring at my feet as usual and smacked head on into him. I looked up and he smiled once more.

"Hi."

I floundered. A more accurate word would most probably be flailed, but I have a little more self respect than that. I flushed and looked at the floor. "I'mnotsupposedtotalktoyou," I said quickly and pushed past him, marching away down the corridor, my face on fire.

"Yuki!" he was running after me, his feet pounding on the floor. I sped up, but he still caught up with me halfway down the corridor. His hand wrapped around my arm, forcing me to stop. "Yuki," he said softly, and my heart raced.

I looked at the floor. "Go away," I whispered.

"No," he replied.

I looked up. "We don't do secrecy very well, Kakeru," I whispered. "This can only go wrong."

"Fuck them, Yuki," he murmured. "I was told that if I spoke to you again… well, your head of the family has a filthy mouth. But I decided, fuck them. I only get to live with you once. And I could see that you were _dying _and it hurt."

I stood and gaped at him most unattractively. "If they find you they'll _kill _you."

"I don't know," Kakeru said smiling. "They didn't last time. I think she likes me."

"Who likes you?" I said with a frown.

"Your head. Akito?"

"Akito's a guy."

He looked over me once. "I suppose it runs in the family." I sent him a death glare.

"Kakeru," I whispered. "Please." I wasn't sure what I was begging for anymore.

He stepped forwards, and I fought against every urge I had to step into his arms. "I know, Yuki," he whispered. His hand rested on my waist and I shuddered. I had to tell him. My breath caught in my throat…

I whispered…

"I'm Cursed, Kakeru." I waited for his reaction.

"Then I'm your guardian angel." He smiled and kept looking at me.

My mouth opened and closed a few times. "You don't understand."

"No, Yuki," he murmured. "I really don't." He looked down at the floor. "You said you loved me."

"I do." I really, really do. He raised an eyebrow and smiled. "It's just… my family…"

"I can tell your family are important to you, Yuki. Shit, I thought mine were bad. But when they stop you living…"

"I don't have a life without you," I whispered. I regretted saying it in an instant; more ammo to be used against me.

Kakeru laughed. "Can I prove to you that I feel like that too?"

I nodded. He leant forward, placed a hand on my neck and kissed me. I had forgotten how this felt. His tongue slid under my lips and moved against mine; I pressed against him as close as I can. "I missed you," I whispered.

"Yuki, no matter what _Akito _said to me, I'm not going anywhere."

My eyes filled with fear. "So you do remember?"

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. "It's not something I think I'll forget."

My breath caught in my throat. "I thought – but then how - how can you – still _look at me – _" Kakeru raised an eyebrow, held me at arm's length. "With the things that you were – "

"Yuki. I was told nothing. She – sorry, _he – _called me a load of cheap names and then someone grabbed her arm when she burst into tears and tried to fly at me." He wrinkled his nose again; my chest was pounding, I could hardly breathe – Akito cries? "I waited for her to calm down and that's when you came back in." He frowned for a moment. "Is she – he – _whatever_ – … okay?"

I gaped. "You mean Akito didn't – hurt you or – "

"I'm fine, Yuki. I just stayed away a while because I don't like getting death threats for Machi." His eyes were horribly dark. _That's why he's been hanging around her so much…_

"But now?" I whispered.

"Now I realised that I couldn't keep missing you, and it's time Machi looked after herself." His hand brushed waveringly once across my cheek and he laughed nervously. "Fuck, Yuki. I just couldn't stop – I mean – " He laughed bitterly. "This sort of thing wasn't meant for me," he murmured softly. "I know I've said it before, Yuki, but…" his hand cupped my cheek and I noticed with a horrible wrench that he was crying. "_I love you._"

"Yes," I said simply, and he chuckled, closing his eyes; more tears slipped down his face.

"How can I – " He stopped, his hands wavering for a moment, his face cast sideways to the floor. "Yuki, will you come with me? Just for a minute," he added hastily, proving he didn't want anything from me.

"Of course," I said softly.

He began to walk; I followed, until he stopped suddenly and looked at me. He seemed to stand and _stare _at me for an intolerably long moment before he laughed, pulled me into a hug and started walking. I hurried after him, my bag banging into my thigh. It was dangerous. I was being stupid. _He would get hurt. _But… he laughed at me. Smiled at me. _Touched me. _And he didn't hate me.

Why hadn't Akito…

I shook my head softly, shushing myself. He was safe, and he still could stand the sight of me. These two things to me had seemed irretrievably far away before today. We stopped outside his locker; he punched in the combination and swung it open, fishing around for something out of sight. He pulled it to the front triumphantly and turned to me with a smile. "Close your eyes and hold your hands out," he announced, and I rolled my eyes, closing them slowly. I always _hated _shutting my eyes, and held them shut just as long as it took him to place something cool and soft in my palm, and when I sprung them open again I nearly fell over with shock. "It took ages to get the glue, and then… I was gonna give it to you, that time you came over, but we got kinda delayed." He smiled softly.

I looked back down at my hand, my finger tracing over the piece of wood gently. "Thank you," I whispered. _Don't_ _cry_…

"What is it?" He sounded genuinely curious.

I let out a choked laugh. "Something happened – with Tohru – a while back. And she made this for me 'cause she didn't know how much longer she'd be here." I ran my finger over the carving again, remembering how much it had _hurt _to get this at first. I bit my lip. "She doesn't remember, so don't ask."

"She doesn't and yet you do?" Kakeru's eyes were stony.

I shook my head. "Don't," I murmured, and he looked away. "You fixed it for me," I said slowly, trying to make sense of the sentence.

"I did break it in the first place," he reminded me, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Indeed you did," I grinned, and then hugged him desperately. "Thank you," I whispered.

He held me at arm's length and stared into my eyes for a very long moment, and then said the worst thing I'd ever know him to say. "Come to Tokyo with me."

**A/N**

**Exams are a **_**bitch **_**people! Seriously! Don't grow old, stay nice and young and revel in the fact you don't have them. Alternatively, if you are old enough that they're looming on the horizon, freeze time. That's what I wish I'd done.**

**Anyways, I'm running out of plotline, fast. What Kakeru said last is basically the final big shocker, and I don't know whether to end it after that one's done or… well, you'll see when I get there. This might just have to be another 7 chapter. My babies are all growing up so fast…**

**Right now, I'm sitting in a powercut, working off the battery. Damn electricity cuts.**


	6. Consequences

**Someone made the point that I keep referring to Akito as a guy; although I **_**am **_**past 17 and absolutely love female!Akito this story is from the POV of Yuki and he doesn't know about it (or, he doesn't before book 19, which is all I've read to, thank you very much) and would therefore refer to Akito as 'he' and not 'she'. If I do later on do something from Shigure's, Aaya's, Hatori's or even Akito's POV (which is unlikely in the least because this story is about Yuki) then I will use 'she'.**

**Dedication: Stupidity is No Excuse, you are amazing. And I love you. And keep doing what you do because you are amazing.**

**Depending on what you lot say, this is probably the second to last chapter. ;)**

**Consequences**

Tokyo…

I could escape. Life without Akito, life without fear, life without being cold and isolated and a life where I could actually love him and _be _in love with him without having to hide. It was absolutely, utterly perfect.

And yet…

I couldn't…

The idea of living without Akito, although supposedly absolutely ideal, was… in actuality, horribly frightening. It was an instinct inside of me that _demanded _that he was present in my life, and it would be cold, dark, bitter without him, my world wouldn't be the _same _without him. He wasn't my air or my sun or anything so ridiculously cliché, but he had to be there or my life had no meaning – with or without Kakeru.

It wasn't a pathetic overstatement on Akito's part to keep us to himself; to us there really _was _no such thing as love, because we'll never have the capacity to love anyone but him. I loved him, totally adored him, but I needed Akito. I looked up into Kakeru's hopeful eyes and then I _knew _what it meant to be cursed. I was never to love anyone else, and he couldn't _possibly _understand why.

"I can't," I whispered, and the hurt in his eyes was just too, too much.

"Okay," he replied, and started to walk away.

"Kakeru," I choked, and he turned round.

"I don't understand you, but I guess that's always been part of the charm. Yuki, I'm leaving at the end of the month for Tokyo, just after graduation. I'm not gonna pressure you, or force you into something you don't want, but I'm not gonna throw my life away to a lost cause." I felt myself break a little inside that he'd given up on me, but what would I do in his situation? "I. Love. You. But I won't be second best, not again, not anymore. If you wanna stay here with your family, that's fine, but I'm going. You've got a month – well, more like two and a half weeks, and I'll ask you the same question then." He reached over, kissed me gently. "Please, think about it," he murmured as he pulled away and walked down the corridor.

* * *

A month. Two and a half weeks. A lifetime.

_What was I going to do?_

* * *

From then, I was alone again. He wanted to give me time to think, I suppose, and besides, us two being seen together was far, far too dangerous, especially with the school now notified that we were not to be together (quite what story they'd told I'd never know, but having the Sohma name meant you could pretty much get away with anything). It was a mixture of sense and logic that I almost couldn't take, never one for those sorts of things anyway. I didn't _want _time to think, I wanted to spend every single moment I could with him.

Because I already knew what my answer was going to be. It was mocking me from the inside, counting down the days until I'd have to tell him. There was no way at all that I'd _ever _be able to leave Akito. I had to stay, here, with him, burn and rot in my loneliness with nothing left.

I think part of the reason Kakeru kept me away was that he _knew _what my answer would be too; had known since the beginning, could see just how much I _needed_ my family. He'd never understand why, but he understood that this was just how things had to be. He knew that I would never say yes and he was putting it off, putting off the loneliness and hurt that we'd both have to suffer. It was inevitable and yet us both, so _human_, could do nothing but try and avoid it.

* * *

Akito didn't bother coming to the graduation ceremony. I sat next to Kyo, my face simply staring at the ground. He, equally despondent, would occasionally catch my eye and smile almost sadly. We'd both expected so much more for this day; we'd both thought that by now our lives would be so, so much better. And yet here we were, so many years later, and he, still due for confinement, and I, due for something much worse; a confinement that was _voluntary_, and just proved to me just how much I needed this life, no matter how much I hated it and tried to get out of it. It reiterated every time Akito had called me weak, pathetic, and preyed on the fact that I _needed _him, needed all of them.

After we left the hall, I watched Kyo quietly walk away beside Hatori and get in a black car, which drove off almost instantly. I could see Tohru out of the corner of my eye; unknowing, she chatted to Momiji, whilst the car pulled away and left both of us alone. "Hey," Kakeru murmured, and I turned to face him, revelling in the proximity, the simple fact I could _see _him. "Shall we take a walk?" He gestured out to the side of the school, and I nodded, walking with him until we'd managed to escape the majority of people. His hand came up and he gently thumbed across my lip. "I would have stayed with you forever," he whispered softly.

"I know," I choked out in reply, feeling myself begin to shake.

"I don't suppose there's any need for me to ask, is there?" I kept staring at the floor, until he pulled me into a hug, desperate and hard. "I'm going to miss you so much," he whispered.

I gripped onto the sleeves of his top frantically, shaking my head. "I can't – " I stammered, though whether I was pleading for him not to leave or trying to make him understand why I couldn't go I wasn't sure.

"Yuki, it would be unfair of me to demand that you leave your family. You need them. But I can't stay here any longer, I'm being sent to Tokyo to live with an aunt." He smiled. "I'm no longer any use to my mother, and it's up to the family to place me somewhere where I am useful." He sighed, long and hard, and closed his eyes. "I can't disobey them, and I can't exactly announce I want to stay where I am to live with my boyfriend." He grinned, but it only stretched one side of his mouth before he let it drop and looked out across to the hordes of parents assembling by the gate.

"Don't – " I whispered, gripping harder, my head still shaking. He gently prised my hands free and kissed my forehead once.

"I will write to you," he lied, and walked away. I wrapped my arms around myself and watched him go, sinking back against the wall. He joined his mother and didn't look back.

* * *

I sat and thought on my bed for a very, very long time. Knowing that Kakeru was gone, forever, hurt a hell of a lot more than it had before where he was simply there but unreachable; before I had seen his face, known he was okay, but I was _never going to see him again_. Kyo was gone, Tohru was staying with friends, and I was by myself in the house, lost in my thoughts and never feeling more alone. I walked to the window, looking out at the sky, and wondered whether Kakeru was in Tokyo yet and staring at it and thinking of me… would he ever think of me again? I knew that I wouldn't stop… not for a very long time…

I realised, then, that although my life without Akito was unbearable, darkness, quenching nothingness, life _with _him was so, so much worse.

I turned, resolve firm, and snatched up the bag I'd taken on countless school trips. I methodically packed any clothes which were new or barely worn, a few strong pairs of shoes, a handful of money I kept by my bed, the phone we bought – I tried to ring, but it cut off halfway through the call; he was probably on the plane anyway, and unable to answer. I pushed the bag over one shoulder and looked around my room, a soft smile on my face, before making my way down the stairs and picking up my coat. "If you're going to fly to Tokyo you might have some trouble getting a ticket tonight," Shigure said from inside the living room, eyes trained on the television.

"Airlines always leave free seats just in case," I muttered, glad he wasn't trying to stop me – or was this way of doing so?

"I didn't mean that, Yuki," he said softly, and I realised with terror what the television was depicting. I stood in the doorway and watched that aircraft _burn_ – there was nothing left, pieces of metal dropping off, the flames dripping across everywhere and making it black, black, _black – _and my heart filled with a terrible fear, _bound for Tokyo, _the announcer told me, along with _no survivors_.

_(it can't be his plane it can't be he wouldn't leave me he promised he wouldn't ever leave me__ but he'd already left and I'm really never gonna see him again oh God what have I done)_

I had to know – I had to _know – _I didn't say any more to Shigure, simply dropping my bag and running out the house, feet slamming on the path as I navigated to his house, adrenaline fuelled by fear, loneliness and desperation – just as everything in my life had started to make sense, just as I'd found an escape – he can't be, _he can't be – _I reached his house, pummelled on the front door, and his mother answered. Before she could say anything and before I could take in her tearstained face I shouted; "Was he on that plane?" I grabbed hold of her, eyes desperate and pleading. "Tell me he wasn't on that plane!" Her sob was answer enough, and I let her go, staggering into the street and falling against a wall, hands clawing at my hair desperately.

These, these are the consequence of my actions.

And I'd never be able to live with them.

**A/N**

**So I was going to have this big update week and then I got horribly ill, I have no idea what this chapter's like because I was out of it for most of it.**

**So now 'keru's dead, I need…**

**A VOTE.**

**How many people want this to become KyoYuki? If not, who would you like Yun to end up with – if anyone? (Say Tohru and Machi and die.)**

**At the moment I'm watching Thunderbirds, the old TV show. How many people out there know about it? It's because of my love of John Tracy.**


	7. Consequences, Mark Two

**A/N - trigger warning for attempted suicide.**

**Consequences**

It was _wrong._

I stood there in the dark black suit Ayame made for me, staring at grey stone with inky lettering and it was _wrong_. The weather was wrong; it should have been either sunny, the perfect elegy, or raining, pathetic fallacy more than just a mouthful. But instead it was just grey, grey clouds, grey light. Grey stone.

It was wrong that there is nothing to place beneath it, long destroyed by hateful fire. It was wrong that I was only there as a schoolfriend, standing in the ranks en masse with weeping girls, only able to observe his family from afar. He told me I was the most important thing in the world and I was naïve enough to believe him and all of these people will never know.

I couldn't stand to watch the sympathetic glances and murmurs directed towards his mother, even his_ father_, because all I could think of was _look at me, look at me like that, please, please please, somebody __**notice **__because it's eating me and I can't stand it_ so I left without even getting to say goodbye.

It's hard to describe without sounding pathetic, but it was like looking down at myself and not knowing what the stuff I looked on was there for anymore. This arm, he'd bit it, licked it. The skin was no different to anyone else's save for the teeth which had once impacted on it. This neck, this back, my body, it was there for Kakeru.

I no longer had any use for it.

* * *

"_Sir? Your boarding card?"_

_The black-haired boy's eyes rested on her for a moment, before he chuckled once, his face lighting up. He turned on his heel and began to run…_

* * *

I'd like to say they noticed. I'd like to say someone tried to stop me, tried to make me eat or work or go out or _something _but nobody did. I've never felt more insignificant. I didn't know whether it was just because I'd got used to Kakeru doting hours singularly on _me _and now expected everyone else to or whether I'd just forgotten that really, nobody _ever _noticed be. Whatever it was I floated along and actually devoted my time in wondering what I should do to make it all _stop._

I could leave.

If I left, I wouldn't have to look everywhere and just see memories, brooding beneath a thin film ready to erupt and fill me with misery. But… the idea of leaving, it filled me with a terrible, all-consuming terror; irrational fear of isolation, of existence without God, and with no Kakeru to even make it a little bit okay the idea was intolerable.

There seemed to be only one option to make it stop permanently, and I must admit, the first time I thought of it, it made me laugh for the first time in a very long while. Our family was so screwed up that death wasn't exactly a foreign notion, and suicide, although generally frowned upon, occurred more frequently than most families had gatherings. It was considered the greatest sin in the world to Akito, and I must admit I have no recollection of any member of the Zodiac ever being so driven to desperation they killed themselves. Then again, if anyone had, I probably wouldn't have been allowed to know about it.

So I began to approach it like I would any problem. Means. Method. Research. It wasn't heartless, it was sensible, and well, I'd always been _that _if nothing else. I started thinking and well, the fact that I _could _think so dispassionately made me wonder how the hell I'd got so fucked up. Then the word Kakeru (it was a word now, a simple word to describe a motive, if I let it become anything more I would be so lost) came to mind and I let my mind continue to wander again. I didn't want it to hurt. This was supposed to make it stop hurting. Which meant I had to plan and think and consider my options like I was filling in some career options form.

Kakeru would have laughed…

_No. Don't let yourself._

So I did consider my options. And then went to a pharmacy. And another. And another. And another. And hid them all in a silver tin under my bed. So I went to work and thought of the little silver tin under my bed and occasionally smiled to myself because already the hurt was starting to slip away. It reminded me of when I was little and even though my knuckles would be sore and raw from beating and my whole body would throb I'd sit with a maths problem and just _work_, and eventually the pain would go and I'd sit and think about numbers and equations.

Now I had nothing, _nothing _to live for and I'd never felt so happy because it was _over. _Completely _over._

* * *

I'm sitting on my bed. The small silver tin is open in front of me, and there's half a dozen white tablets in the palm of my hand. It's quiet here, Kyo's out with Tohru and Shigure's gone to see Aaya. I'm alone, but that doesn't matter because I've always been a little alone. Outside, the stars are out for the first time in a very long while, and I wonder whether I should go sit up on the roof, before realising I'll slide off and break something… not that it'll matter, because I won't feel a thing, but still, it's the principle, the idea of crunching bones that made me feel slightly queasy.

I realise I'm not queasy, I'm hungry; _oh well_, I find myself thinking. _Last meal for the condemned man._ I walk downstairs and find myself piling in a considerable amount of rice into the cooker then wandering into the yard to stare at the sky. The cool breeze kisses my face and I smile because in this moment I feel okay again.

And then I realise I haven't felt sad in a very long time.

I had thought it was because I couldn't feel anything anymore, but that couldn't be true, because I stand here now and I feel happy, blissfully so, just at the sight of the stars and the wind on my face and fresh grass and trees and oncoming rain in my nose.

And for the first time I realise that Kakeru is gone and it doesn't hurt anymore. Is this what moving on is? Not caring? It's blissful, it's freeing, and when I think of Kakeru I see his face and his laugh and not the little silver tin of white pills now sitting on top of my bed. It hurts a little, of course it hurts, but it doesn't drive me to despair and anguish anymore. It would always hurt a little, I knew then, because I knew I'd never really be over it. Over him. It makes me think about what an idiot I've been. Everything we did together would be gone completely if I died with him and I don't want that. I want people to remember.

And that's what this is. It's what happened between me and Kakeru Manabe, and how nothing is meaningless, and everything has a consequence. A lesson hard learnt, but learnt nonetheless. And I'll keep going, and I'll keep living, because some sacrifices are too much to make.

* * *

_One__ week later_

* * *

Kakeru emerged from the forest, looking around. He was limping, one foot carrying the weight onto the other with subconscious hesitation. He spotted the flare of orange on the seat ahead and moved up to it. Kyo raised his head, acknowledging him with the simple movement. "It's true," he whispered. The article was still clutched in his hand but it had meant nothing till he'd seen what was left.

Kyo nodded once. "He's gone." It had been no time at all since they had last seen each other but already his shoulders were hard, eyes made of nothing but orange rock. "He's gone." He stood and moved back into the trees; two men stood waiting for him, one dressed in black, the other his contrast in white. His memory mumbled the useless names to him; Akito and Hatori. And suddenly everything made horrifying sense. Kyo's reluctance to let them be together, his passionate determination to have him removed from Yuki's life. It wasn't hatred, it was close, but there was a huge gap; it was _jealousy._ Desperate acts of a man who knows that what he wants he can never have and God, Kakeru had never seen so much pain in a walk. Kyo settled in between the two other Sohma, and together they walked from the clearing, Akito's hand resting on Kyo's arm. So this was punishment? Repentance?

Kakeru's eyes returned to the charred clearing which had once contained a house, which had once contained a lover. House fires weren't uncommon. _Starting from the kitchen,_ the article had read. So like Yuki to let a fail in the kitchen lead to losing his life. Then the single word pricked at his brain again and he _burned _with guilt…

_Suicide…_

The Yuki he knew would never have done that. But the Yuki he knew had gone, he'd been told, left as mere nothing, smashed into shards in the week and a half he lay in hospital dreaming of safety and freedom. He'd been so lucky, oh so _lucky_, to decide to leave the flight and come back. But not quite lucky enough; not lucky enough to save his lover as well as himself. The shockwaves from the crash had smashed half of the airport to pieces and he'd been knocked nearly thirty feet, or so he'd been told. He remembered nothing but pain and anguish and fear. Unconscious for nearly a week and a half, an unnamed boy lying amongst countless more because according to everyone _Kakeru Manabe _got on that plane. When he'd awoken he'd had three days of care before he left, and then he saw the paper. Then he saw the fire. Then he saw the words _Yuki Sohma _and then he began to _run._

And now he was here.

Although the police had long since moved off, a single yellow band fluttered in a tree still, remnants of an investigation which had taken nothing to draw up. The police had shaken their heads sadly and drawn it up to _unfortunate circumstances_. Tragic loss of life. Kakeru knew it to be more, so much more, so much _worse_ than that. He knew it was deliberate acts of a dying man and it was all his fault because he hadn't _been _there…

He reached down and picked up a piece of blackened wood, palming it and letting it fall into his jeans pocket. If he hadn't been so stubborn, if he'd just come home, if he'd just understood what he'd asked Yuki to do was unforgivable…

He shook his head once to no one in particular. These were his actions, and the consequences were his to bear.

**A/N**

**The tense change was deliberate, before Yuki died. I was going to have that he wrote all this down like a personal diary but then some bits wouldn't make sense, and besides it'd be lost in the fire, so meh. You can think that if you want.**

**I don't do happy endings. It's a policy of mine, because they don't exist. Okay, I do bittersweet endings most of the time, but I knew that when I started this story Kakeru was going to die. But that got such an amazing response I started thinking, what if? And here we are now, with Kakeru alive but Yuki not and Kyo confined and it's all gone to pot basically.**

**I can only thank you all for reading. Maybe I'll write KyoYuki now. Maybe I'll get another KeruYuki out of myself, but I must admit my inspiration for Furuba has kinda diminished. Ah well, you got this one out of me at least. I hope you enjoyed it, because it was a lot of fun to write.**


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